Friday, December 19, 2008

"Hello, My name is Amy...

and I am an entomophobic." Response from the group: "Hi Amy. Welcome."

Yep, that's me. Fear of insects- namely water bugs. Seeing as how it has been unseasonably warm here in GA, I have been keeping the little window in my bathroon open to circulate more air while I blowdry my hair. Well, Apparently one of those harmless bugs came in that window this morning (through a small tear in the screen). I looked up and saw it on the ceiling. My world stopped.

Now, I am not a drama queen. Not at all. (Pay no attention to the snickering of my husband or my friends in the background). BUT, this was the biggest bug I have EVER seen in my life. Oh lordy be.

I freak out. I start breathing really heavy and crying as I immediately exited the bathroom. I left the door open and all. Not smart I know, but I was afraid to make any sudden movements for the fear that the giant killer bug would fly at me. So, what does any normal person do? Why call her husband, of course (after shouting numerous expletives and running downstairs to find anything that resembles bug killer). Yep, my sweet loving husband had just sat down to have himself a low fat, low calorie turkey bacon biscuit and I called him to come kill it. Now most people are probably sitting there thinking "Are you KIDDING me?". Well my friends, I just couldn't. Seriously. After running into our bedroom to call Mike, I could not get within 10 feet of the bathroom. Crippling fear. I had a spare curling iron in the hall closet so I grabbed it so I could at least be working on making my hair presentable for work.

About 8 minutes into doing my hair, I literally heard the killer bug hit the floor of the other bathroom. I peek out the door of the bedroom and see the bug crawling down the hallway. So I grab my can of raid and spray away. (Now that I think of it, I will probably have to steam clean my carpets this weekend, but I don't care.) The bug starts dying immediately and is dragging it's back legs. Eventually, it rolls over on its back and dies. Now, I can't pick the thing because your know it could possibly still be alive.

Dum-da-da-dum!!!!!! It was at that time that the Super Hero Bug man entered the picture, hungry and parched because he left his biscuit and coffee for me, and walks over to that bug and squishes his guts out with those size 14 Bostonians of his. He used his nice work shoes-- he didn't need no stinkin spare sneaker that was laying around. And in a flash he was gone. Just like they do in those super hero movies. He came to do what was needed and took off in a flash. My hero. My husband. That was the best Christmas gift I could ever get (well except for that Ipod, but I digress) You rock baby. I love you.

This face was the last thing that bug saw before it's brains were squished out. That's the face I want to see before I leave this world (except with a smile on that face instead of the mean Mikey face).